girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
