I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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