Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
