Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable

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(607): View more from New York

I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"

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(845): View more from New York

I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.

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(417): View more from Missouri

So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.

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(630): View more from Illinois

She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.

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(661): View more from California

I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.

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(916): View more from California

I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday

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(314): View more from Missouri

yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.

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