my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
