So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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