so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
