I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so explain again why im purple
no
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
