You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
