franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
