but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
