So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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