I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
