U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I love you.
Bad choice
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
