I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
