Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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