My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
