his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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