either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
