I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
