well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
