I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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