it's too hot outside to masturbate.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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