The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
