dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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