first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
