Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
