He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
