All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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