piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
