Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
