Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
