come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
