I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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