Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
