I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
