you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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