I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
