I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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