Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wish you could order shots online.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
