so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
