so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
