I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
