normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
