i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
