The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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