Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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