i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
