I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
there's paper in my vomit.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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