i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
